For my entire life I have been different than other girls, almost exotic. I have lived in a variety of places that have allowed me to experience a wide range of cultures and ways of thinking. Due to this I have a very open mind. I have served a difficult life time transitioning from one extreme to the next. With extreme changes in culture and societies expectations it is difficult to shift to those things that make that place function. This awkward place in society has often made it difficult for me to please people and create friendship. 

I have problems with certain ways people interact with one another, individualize someone based on a single inability they have. It completely disgusts me when a person complains about how how another doesn’t look up to their standards. How if their hair doesn’t flip right or the guy wears jeans that sag in the ass is not a valid reason to hate. What if she ran out of her typical hair product? What if he’s worn those jeans over and over because of an experience he had in those jeans remind him of a long lost love that he wants to hold on to? It’s not your judgement that should matter. 

Even more than rejection I have problems with people having many friends. It’s not that I don’t want them to be full of love, or have companionship. It’s the fact that most of these people that I know who have many friends who are deemed close to them. This causes an inconvenience for the person because they have too many friends to please over the weekend. Which causes them to complain about how difficult it is to have so many friends who want their attention. 

I just want to scream. Scream and let them understand some of the agony that they do not understand. I is one thing to say to another person that you are lonely. You long for that companionship that will last forever, that one true love. Most everyone does. It’s a completely different loneliness that ails you when you truly have no one at your side. When friends don’t come to your aid when you call them. When people don’t even want to be around you because you’re so strange to them. Your depth of alone that is felt inside is so deep that the titanic seems so high up there. 

You have no right to complain about having friendship from people who truly love you.